Thursday, December 01, 2005

Subject Advisory: Girl Talk Ahead

Do not proceed if you want to stay out of the female psyche.

Last chance to close it down…

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.


I’m a pretty regular gal. I brush my teeth regularly. I take a shower every morning. I eat chocolate chip cookie dough and watch chick flicks on a regular basis. I take part in girl gabs and I cry over Hallmark commercials, even if I’ve seen it 20 times. I even fantasize about being a 5’10” supermodel, but then I think about all the stuff I would have to give up to look like that, so I find myself content as a 5’2” female eating a pint of Baskin & Robbins chocolate fudge ice cream.

Yep, just your normal, everyday gal.

My body is on a schedule, too. I have always been very regular with my cycle. Every 28 days on the dot… It makes the motto “Be prepared.” pretty easy because I know down to the day when I will be starting, what sensations will precede the “big event” (PMS) and exactly how long it will last.

Like I said, I’m a pretty consistent girl.

Now imagine what I have been thinking when my period still has not arrived a week after it was due. And my breasts are very sore. And the smell of coffee is making me sick. All events that happened prior to finding I was pregnant the first time.

You need to be aware of another part of my history: Mr. Right got snipped after we had our son. We had one of each sex, and he thought post-partum was too hard on me (that is an entirely different blog to be discussed at a later date, but I can tell you that it wasn’t), so he had the vasectomy. (He volunteered for that task when we first married, so we didn’t have any kind of argument about who was doing what. Now that’s a nice guy!)

As far as I know, there was only one Immaculate Conception, so if I am pregnant, Dr. Woods has some serious explaining to do.

And I have some serious thinking to do.

I’ve had 5 years of not having to get up in the middle of the night to feed, 3 ½ years of no diapers, all of my baby clothes and furniture have been passed on and I fit into all of my clothes… well, not since Thanksgiving, but that isn’t due to a baby. That’s because I don’t know when to stop eating, but I’ll fit back into them after Christmas. (I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.)

So news like this is quite shocking. Bewildering. Pensive. Thrilling. Elating. Worrisome.

I have run the gamut in emotions.

From: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

To: It would be neat to do the whole pregnancy thing again. (I loved being pregnant, even the not-so-desirable parts.)

To: I always have wanted a third child, so this is God saying you need another one. (Because if it is in God’s plan for me to have one, it doesn't matter how many surgeries my husband has. God will do what God wants to do.)

To: Wow! Another baby… Wouldn’t that be a great blessing for our whole family!

There is something about having those moments of hope that is so exhilarating and breathtaking. To start over again with a new blessing from God… To do some things differently… To do some things exactly the same… To have another chance at getting things right…

So many questions have arisen from these few days of uncertainty:

What would the baby be like? Would he be a snuggler? Would she smile and be happy most of the time? What kind of personality would the baby have? Would she look like Mr. Right or would my features be dominant (like me)? What gifts would he/she have and what would God have in store for him/her in the future?

But the big ones are: Am I too old to do it all over again? Will I have the energy it will take to raise another one? How will we ever afford to do it again? How can I keep from making the same mistakes again? Do I really want to go through those embarrassing experiences again, you know the ones just like Antique Mommy just regaled?

But then I take a breath and remember that God has never failed me yet. He’ll take care of all details like He has already with my son and daughter. Everything will work out in the end. Even the embarrassing stuff.

I guess He has worked it out. I started today.

Maybe God just wants to remind me that I need to rely on Him in all things and to remember that I am blessed with the babies I already have.

Hey, I think I’ve just given birth to something new for me: perfect peace. Now that’s something I would love to raise.

Maybe God just has a sense of humor and He wanted to hear me laugh.

It worked.

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