I Cannot Tell A Lie

Well, that’s a lie. I totally can tell a lie with the best of them. If it were a sport, I could probably medal in it somehow.

What I should have said was I shouldn’t tell a lie. But there again, I do. Want a few examples? Of course you do. We all want to know that we’re not alone in the Liars Club, for which I have a lifetime membership with all the dues I’ve paid.

I lied when I said to my son, “I don’t know where that Happy Meal toy is.” I knew it was in the bottom of the trashcan.

I lied when I said to my kids, “Ummm, don’t come in here. Your dad and I are having a talk.” We might have been using our mouths, but it was for kissing and stuff… You know, married stuff. Talking wasn’t the gist of our meeting.

I told a bold-face lie when I told my kids, “Try it. You’ll like it.” Dude. It had lima beans. I won’t even like it.

I lied and didn’t even flinch when I said that the Thin Mints that I found in the freezer were too old to eat. They tasted mighty fine to me.

I told a whopper when I gave blood last night. I knew I was short a few pounds in weight to give blood so I rounded up. Hey, it was for a good cause.

I lied when I said, “We don’t have the money for that. Put it back.” We totally had the money. I just didn’t want to spend it on that product.

I lied when I told you that I was giving up Lost. I’m not giving it up. I’m just watching it when no little ears are around to ask, “Who’s Dammit?”

I lied to the kids when I told them that they had to go to bed early because they had been up late a few nights in a row. Seriously, I’m the one who needed to go to bed; they just had to do it first so that I could crash.

Don’t feel badly. I totally lie to myself too.

Gosh, I’m funny!

One bite won’t hurt.

I’ll fit into that dress again soon.

Today’s the day that I start walking again.

I’m not going to make up/eat a batch of cookie dough.

I’m not bummed at all about not winning a prize in the giveaway.

I’m going to make much better choices and not fall into that temptation again.

I don’t feel badly at all when my kids glare at me like I’m the meanest mom on earth.

So, in the spirit of making me feel a wee bit more normal, would you fess up? What have you lied about? Hey, you could totally lie about it, and I’d never know. See how easy it is?

(And I really don’t want to hear that you’re the perfect mom who doesn’t lie about a thing. That, my friends, would not make me feel better AT ALL. I’m being completely honest on that one.)

*This post is not an advocate for lying. You really shouldn’t. It’s just me holding up a mirror to myself and realizing that it’s a lot cloudier than it should be. No “you should know better” mail please. I’m just telling it like it is with me.