Saturday, August 18, 2007

Washington Post's Mensa Invitational

I cannot find the validation of this contest, but I have to admit, it should be one if it isn't!

Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

  1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

  2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an (censored)

  3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

  4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly

  5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

  6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid

  7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

  8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

  9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late

  10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness

  11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

  12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you

  13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

  14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly

  15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web

  16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out

  17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating

  18. Discomboobulated (adj.)to be confused and stupid, simultaneously

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

  1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs

  2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained

  3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach

  4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk

  5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent

  6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown

  7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp

  8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash

  9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller

  10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline

  11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam

  12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists

  13. pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist

  14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms

  15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there

  16. circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.


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