Bewitching Humor

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

(and may your children get lots of candy that you like to eat too.)

We Wanna Meet Recap - Finale

What Putting on a Formal Is REALLY Like...

This reminds me of when Shannon, Chilihead and I tried on formals this weekend. Oh, if you haven't heard about it, you need to head to Chili's to read all about it. Oh the joy of being kid-free in the mall...

We Wanna Meet Recap - Part 2

We Wanna Meet Recap - Part 1

Saturday Lunch at We Wanna Meet

Ticket To Fly

Today is the day that I willingly leave everyone behind to meet those lovely ladies down south. I don't know why, but this event actually snuck up on me. I knew it was coming, but it was always "later."

Until this past Tuesday, when I was emailing GiBee, and we were getting all excited, and I said that I already have what I'm bringing to her in the suitcase (which has been sitting out for 3 weeks because the trip was coming "sometime soon") and she said "Oh, you're further along than me. But I do have all of Hunter's outfits in the ziplocks and I have my packing list complete. All I have to do is pull everything together."

There I sat thinking, "List? Packing? Hmmm... I'd better check to see that I have clean clothes." So last night found me throwing this and that into a bag, hoping that they'll slightly coordinate,or hoping that, at least, everyone will be so excited about meeting everyone else that my fashion faux pas will go unnoticed.

Now I'm reading how some of those attending are starting to be nervous about meeting the others. I didn't even consider whether or not I should be worried. Should I? I'm hoping not because it's too late for that now. I guess I could have gotten a haircut, and I could have done my nails and I really should have gotten back into exercising after finding reasons to not go out. I mean, I could have at least have bought a new lip gloss to keep up with HolyMama... but alas, I've done nothing to prepare. I'm going hoping that they'll like me as is.

But here's why I'm not to up in arms about me: I feel as if I'm meeting family already. I've gotten to see the hearts of these ladies and they look beautiful from where I'm sitting. Meeting face to face with them is just, in a way, a formality. I feel as if I know them already.

I can say that, although my packing skills are lame, they in no way reflect my anticipation for this get-together. I am extremely excited and completely ready to hug the necks of new friends and old. I am prepared to listen, to eat, to talk, to eat, to laugh, to eat, to cry, to celebrate and to savor each precious minute of this lovely little blogfest.

Even if I won't be fit to grace the cover of a magazine. I'll still be a part of the cover story, and that is enough for me.

Randy Perkins Interview - Part III

Following is the third and final installment of my interview with Randy Perkins, author of Herb's First 100 Years & the Book of Truths. If you have yet to do so, you may read my book review and the Parts I and II of the interview.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shalee: Of all the truths in the book, which one speaks to you the most?

Randy: That changes from day to day. Sometimes it changes from hour to hour depending on what is going on. In keeping with the spirit of the story, why don’t I clear my mind and randomly flip through a few pages of The Book of Truths and list whatever comes up:

Truth #67 - Open minds have an infinite capacity for expansion
Truth #49 – The most important things in life are not things
Truth #11 - Expect the unexpected
Truth #56 – You may never have a better friend than your dog
Truth #7 - For better health and appearance, smile

Shalee: Are there any truths that you struggle with?

Randy: Many.

#79 Lasting relationships survive on healthy doses of compromise.
#77 Confronting fear is required every time you try to achieve.
#66 Jealousy is a useless emotion.
#20 People tend to complicate everything.

Shalee: Which one is the easiest for you to prove?

Randy: Hmm… I’m not sure I can prove any of them. Like I said before, what might be true for me might not be true for you.

Shalee: What other truths would you add after having published the book?

Randy: I would add Truth #356 Writing a novel is hard but finding people to read your novel is harder.

Shalee: All the truths are applicable. Can you remember when you realized some of them?

Randy: Many of them came to me while I was driving. Driving, working, watching TV… For some reason, driving frees my mind. Many of them came when it was impossible to write them down. I put a tape recorder in the car and that helped a little bit. Some really good ones got away from me because I didn’t write them down.

Shalee: When did you start collecting them?

Randy: Shortly after I met Herb in 1996.

Shalee: Did you collect them with the intent of using them in a book?

Randy: No. Initially I did it to remind myself of things I felt I needed to remember. For example: Truth #16 Happiness is not a birthright - it’s a quest. Putting together a book of truths is largely an exercise in self-examination. It was an attempt to learn more about myself.

Shalee: I am curious about Truth#94. Who taught you that one?

Randy: I once knew a man whose job it was to unloaded trucks in a warehouse. It was hot, sweaty work and he bathed once a week whether he needed it or not. Usually on Friday night, so by Monday he was stinky again. You could often smell this man ten seconds before you would see him. Otherwise he was a nice guy but very hard to be around because he smelled so bad. And so came the realization of Truth #94, “It is hard to be friendly to someone with B.O.”

Shalee: You’ve said that much of the story actually happened. Can you put a number as to how much is fact and how much is fiction?

Randy: Seventy-five percent of this story happened in one form or another. The rest I made up mostly to aid with flow and readability.

Shalee: It appears that it was a conscious thought to include the World Trade Center in your story.

Randy: My intent with that reference was to fix Herb’s location in the mind of the reader. We all shared that experience no mater where we were in the world. We all know what we were doing and where we were when the event happened. It was an attempt to link the reader and the story to a particular point in time. To be truthful, that tiny reference bothers me now. If I could rewrite it, or delete it, I would.

Shalee: Were you in New York on 911?

Randy: No, I was at home in Colorado.

Shalee: Tell me about the photo on the back cover. Was it taken as described in the book?

Randy: Yes. It was taken by a passenger on that trip in 1996.


Shalee: And the cover photo, was that taken from the spot where Herb’s ashes are spread?

Randy: I wish I could say yes, but I’m afraid that is not the case. The photo portrays the spirit of the place, but the location is different from where Herb rests.

Shalee: Thank you, Randy. Best wishes for your novel’s success. I’m looking forward to when your next published work is no longer looming over the horizon, but rather is sitting in my hands. When that happens, let me know; I’d love to talk with you again. It’s been surreal, but nice.

Randy: Thank you, Shalee. For me, this has been a pleasure.

Randy Perkins Interview - Part II

If you are just joining this series, please read my review of Herb's First 100 Years & the Book of Truths and then read Part I of the interview with author Randy Perkins.

Shalee: Is Herb’s First 100 Years your first novel?

Randy: The first to be published. I wrote three others over a span of eight years during the late 80’s and early 90’s. Those efforts were learning experiences and although they did get me noticed by a few agents and a publisher, I look at those three books today and feel that none of them are very good. When I started out, I made the mistake of trying to write what the public was most interested in reading at that time. Now, I write only when I have an idea that I think is unique.

Shalee: What were those first three novels about?

Randy: The first was a western. The second was a story about a kidnapped little girl; a book filled with terrifying images and spine-tingling suspense. I had an agent review the work and tell me that she liked my style of writing but that the story was too terrifying for her to represent. She was the mother of a ten-year-old girl. In some ways I was complimented by her reaction. It was my intention to terrify with that book. In that respect I accomplished a goal. My third novel was a political thriller loosely based on a talk radio host similar to Rush Limbaugh. That book actually found a home with a major publisher and looked to be destined for release. Then the editor in charge of my story was fired and the editor who replaced him sent me a form letter telling me they were no longer interested in publishing the book.

Shalee: That must have been devastating.

Randy: Writing a novel is a solitary experience that is often frustrating in itself. Then when you have finished, you have the monumental task of getting people interested in your work. I had been disappointed by other opportunities that failed to materialize, but when that book was dropped, I was sure I would never write another one. I had spent the better part of a decade mining stories from some deep cavern in my brain. All I had to show for the effort was disillusionment and poverty. I decided to get a real job that paid real money and had real benefits. I landed one as the Director of Sales and Marketing for a small tour company in Denver. During busy seasons, I was also asked to conduct tours.

Shalee: That explains a little bit of how this story came to be.

Randy: Yes. This story would not exist if I had not met Herb while conducting one of those trips.

Shalee: How has the book been received?

Randy: Very positive. People like it and seem eager to recommend it to their friends. Word of mouth has been responsible for a majority of my sales. The first edition sold out in just under six months. Now I am trying to get a copy to Oprah. People tell me it is her kind of book – emotional and thought-provoking. I don’t suppose you have her telephone number?

Shalee: I do, but she would kill me if I gave it out.

Randy: [chuckles] I understand. Perhaps the next time you see her you could pass along a copy?

Shalee: I would be happy to. The next time I see Oprah, I promise I will put your book in her hands.

[more chuckles]


Shalee: Your story is largely built on dialogue. Was that intentional or just the way the writing evolved?

Randy: Both. Because I am one of the characters, the utilization of dialogue became my best tool for driving the plot. I could have inserted a lot more sensory detail and description, but page count became an issue because of the Book of Truths.

Shalee: I want to ask about that. This is really two books in one, the novel, Herb’s First 100 Years, and then the Book of Truths that is attached at the end.

Randy: I think the novel could stand by itself, but combined it gives the story an enhanced effect. For some, the Book of Truths is the best part of the story. I felt it had to be there. It is one of the things I think sparks curiosity within the reader and make the story somewhat unique and fun to read.

Shalee: It is a fun story, but at the same time there are parts that paint images that are anything but. Care to comment?

Randy: Sometimes you have to shock your reader in order to take them to a happier place.

Shalee: The character Fanny, did you know someone as obnoxious as her?

Randy: Fanny is a compilation of every traveler I ever escorted who went out of their way to be difficult. I named her Fanny because she is an ass. I never had one passenger who was quite that obnoxious, but there were a few who came close.

Shalee: Who are your favorite authors?

Randy: Hmm. So many great writers. In no particular order: John Steinbeck, Roald Dahl, Ayn Rand, Dean Koontz, Anne Rice, Robert Heinlein, Hunter Thompson, Tom Robbins, John Irving, Steven King, Ernest Hemingway, Mary Higgins Clark, Jack London, Steven White, Clive Cussler, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, David Sedaris, Dan Brown… dozens more who I will regret not mentioning. I could never choose one or two as favorites.

Shalee: What are you reading now?

Randy: A Benjamin Franklin biography and a novel that I refuse to tell you the name of because it is simply terrible. I have no idea as to how it ever found its way into print. I try to always finish whatever book I start, but this one is testing my devotion to that rule. I can recommend a couple of great stories if you like: For its imagination and construction, I loved The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. I also liked Running With Scissors by Augusten Burroughs because it is hilarious and at the same time very disturbing.

Shalee: Time Traveler’s Wife just so happens to be one of my favorites as well for the same described reasons. I also appreciated her ability to spin a convincing, beautiful tale that has science fiction written all over it, but feels like a comfortable story of love and life and the beauty the two hold together. I have a feeling, from the list you cited, we would make great book buddies.

Tomorrow will bring the conclusion of the interview with Randy Perkins.

Randy Perkins Interview - Part I

This is an interview with Randy Perkins, author of Herb's First 100 Years & Book of Truths. You can read my review of the book here, but don't take my word for it. I suggest you read it for yourself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Shalee: Obviously I truly like the book. I found Herb's First 100 Years to be endearing and convincing. How would you compare this story to other novels?

Randy Perkins: With our world often deep, dark and disquieting, full of images and events that are troubling to say the least, I set out to put together a story that would somehow show that there is always hope. I was speaking to a book club a couple of months ago when a woman said for her the story was a cross between Mitch Albom’s The Five People You Meet in Heaven, Nicholas Sparks’ The Notebook and Robert Waller’s The Bridges of Madison County. I’m not sure I write as well as any of those men, but my ego was certainly caressed by her remarks.

Shalee: I’d be nothing but pleased with that compliment. I was surprised to find you as one of the main characters of your novel. How much of the book is autobiographical?

Randy: I shaped this story around a tour I led to Manhattan in December 1996. Much of what you read in the book was taken from that trip. It felt natural to write myself in because that’s the way it happened. I’m not sure I could have done it any other way.

Shalee: Is Herb Conroy someone who existed?

Randy: His character is based on someone who, at the time I met him, was 98 years old. He was traveling by himself and because he was alone, I asked him to take a few meals with me. That led to some rather philosophical conversations about life and what living a good life is all about. He was the oldest person who had ever traveled with me. I am sure he is the oldest person I have had the good fortune to know. I became fascinated by some of his stories. His outlook and attitude set him apart from the crowd. Whatever was going on, his face always displayed a smile, and on a couple of occasions, his smile was the only smile in my group. I think it was the way he smiled that first sparked the idea for this book. That said, Herb’s character as I have written him is a combination of a few very special people I have known.

Shalee: Did Herb write the Book of Truths?

Randy: Herb would tell you that he didn’t write the truths; he collected them throughout his life. After explaining the concept to me, I also began to collect them. Often people tell me that after reading the story they begin to compile their own Book of Truths. I had more than 300 truths before I sat down to write the story. Only 132 of them made it into the book.

Shalee: Why not all of them?

Randy: I tried to pick truths that were universal. The truth can be a somewhat subjective thing. What is a “truth” for me might not be a “truth” for you.

Shalee: Did Herb know you were writing a story that was based on him?

Randy: No. He died before I sat down to write the book.

Shalee: How long did it take to write?

Randy: The story took eight years to evolve and ferment in my head. I don’t really enjoy the process of writing so even when the story was complete in my mind, I was hesitant to sit down and write. Then in January of 2005, I found myself very unhappy at my place of employment. One morning I had a meeting with the owner of the company and the next morning I no longer had a job. It happened very fast and was an amicable separation. I decided to take a year off, play golf, fish and write the story that had been rattling around in my head. The actual writing took about four months. It went quicker than I had anticipated because on one of my fishing trips, I fell and severely sprained my ankle. For a solid month, I was laid-up and all I did during that month was write.

Shalee: What are you doing with yourself now that your work has made it to print?

Randy: Marketing the story has become my full time job. To be honest, few authors make a living selling fiction. Sales are going well, but do little to support my daily needs. Any money I have made from the book I have put back into marketing. The whole project is really kind of an experiment involving a belief that in order for an idea to flourish, you have to set it free. The experience has been an adventure. I hope it continues, but if I become bored or poverty-stricken, that will signal that it is time to do something else.

Shalee: Like what?

Randy: Oh, let’s see… I would like to have a wood shop where I could design and build custom furniture with secret hidden compartments… places where people could hide their jewels and loot. Or another option might be to join the senior golf tour or become a professional trout fisherman and have my own fishing show on cable TV. Or maybe I will buy a metal detector and search for buried treasure.

Shalee: That is quite the variety of aspirations. Are you any good at golf?

Randy: No. But that doesn’t stop me from playing. I love the game but I am not very good. I did get my first hole-in-one this year. That was exciting.

Shalee: I played golf for the first time this year, if you can call it playing. I kept swinging the club like a baseball bat. Perhaps I shall leave that sport to the experts such as yourself. Do you mind if I ask how old are you?

Randy: Forty-seven.

Shalee: Are you working on another story?

Randy: Another story is looming on the horizon, but the idea is not complete and I refuse to begin until it is. I’m in that fermenting stage.

Join me tomorrow when the interview with Randy Perkins, author of Herb's First 100 Years & Book of Truths, continues.

Herb's First 100 Years and The Book of Truths

Back in July, I listed 100 of my favorite books in honor of my 200th post. I had some wonderful reading suggestions in the comment section, one of which was from Lori, an anonymous reader. She recommended that since I loved Time Traveler's Wife and Tuesdays With Morrie, I should read Herb's First 100 Years
by Randy Perkins. So I attempted to find it at the library, but to no avail. I even made a little reference to it on the Book Meme that I did a few weeks later.

Imagine my surprise when I received an email from Randy Perkins himself, asking if I would like to have a copy of his book. All he asked in return was that I give my opinion about it. I was delighted and then took it one step further. I asked if I could interview him afterwards and post it. Much to my delight and surprise, he readily agreed.

So to complete my end of the bargain, let me tell you about a lovely, terribly overlooked book that you should add to your reading list.






The first section of the book is a mere 147 pages. It is an easy read, not a “See Jane run” easy, but the words flow smoothly and capture your attention immediately. The characters are likable and honest. There is no stretch to make them seem real. Herb himself is the most endearing character. He’s penned in such a way that you wish that you had a Herb in your life. He’s optimistic, lively and has the idea that life is worth living to its fullest, despite the hardships and “evidence” to the contrary. His life is hard, but his outlook is bright. The narrative on his previous 98 years of living are lovely, heart-breaking and full of wisdom and humor.

Over the course of his history, Herb discovers some of life’s Truths – Truths that are universal, real and applicable to anyone in a situation. In his waning years, he compiles a printed Book of Truths and sets out to see that the Truths are “put into the hands” of those who can appreciate and further them. The Truths are there to help anyone who will open his mind to their wisdom.

What follows after his trip to publisher after publisher after publisher is a revelation of how one person’s zest for life made a difference in the lives of those around him, whether Herb knew the people intimately or from a passing chance. His Book of Truth begins to set into the heart of those who know him.

One of the interesting qualities of the book was that each chapter is prefaced with a Truth. They are not all covered in the story, but the ones that apply to that chapter fit so perfectly into the story. It really gave a rounded, complete feeling to the actual story and the Truths listed therein.

The latter half of the book, the remaining 134 pages, are the compiled 132 Truths. This unique placement of the Truths draws the reader into the wisdom of their meaning. I found myself closing my eyes, clearing my head and opening the book at random. This very act made me feel as if I too can contribute to the learning of universal Truths.

The book was charming, entertaining and had more substance than the average read. I was left with the feeling that I needed to read it again to discover things that I might have missed the first time. I have it sitting on the shelf, ready to be consumed again after I have finished savoring it. The taste of its sweetness is still in my mouth this long after my first impressions.

Get it on Amazon or petition your library to purchase a copy of it. This little gem deserves to shine in the light a lot more than it is right now.

Join me tomorrow to read the interview with the author Randy Perkins. He’s as amiable as the characters in the book… Wait a minute… He IS a character in the book! No wonder I like him already.

Homemade With Love - Reminders of Love

I must admit that I love this idea that GiBee of Kisses of Sunshine organized - a homemade gift exchange. Too many times in the years past, we have put ourselves in debt to "have a great Christmas."

If you are anything like us, we have very little money to put into Christmas, but we want to do something to celebrate God's gift to us. We have been attempting to correct our nearsightedness in the past few years by participating in a wonderful program in our city. To remind the children of how blessed we truly are (and to be honest, to remind us adults too) and to encourage the view that Christmas as a giving to others holiday, we will adopt a family who would not have any kind of Christmas otherwise or participate in some other giving program where others can enjoy God's blessings too. When we do this satisfying showing of God's love to others, we often don't a lot of funds left over to wrap for our tree. This situation has led to some creativity on our part to give something to each other.

Now, you must understand that I am not creative in any sort of manner, but God blessed me with one idea for Mr. Right. All it takes is a small photo album, a few pictures and some time on the computer. (I mean time other than blogging.) Oh, and some reasons that you love your mate. I call it a Love Journal.

Here's the album I found at Barnes and Noble.




I typed out and cut a title page to place in the first photo page. It says this:

"I love you because...

Just a few of the

reasons that

Shalee is in

love with

____."

(You can pick your own title. If you use mine, please remove my name and add your own.)

Randomly on the inside pages, I put in some pictures of Mr. Right and me, the family, some of just the kids, some of just Mr. Right and some of just me. Laced in between the pictures are pages that show several reasons why I love Mr. Right. I tried to match reasons to the pictures.

For example, on the page next to a wedding picture, I chose reasons that had to do with our relationship.




On the picture next to our daughter and son, I selected reasons that pertained to his fatherly skills.







On the pages that were next to his picture, I defined the reasons that I loved him as a person.




On some of the pages, I had no pictures at all. I just continued to list reasons that I love Mr. Right.








This gift cost me next to nothing, just some time and thought, but it gave Mr. Right a new appreciate of how I see him. It told him that I cared enough to put it into words. It gave him a hand-held reminder of my love for him.

He has it at his office so that if he's thinking of me and can't call me, he can still "hear" that I love him.

For some other fabulous ideas for a homemade Christmas, visit Kisses of Sunshine's Homemade With Love post for some gifts that may just work for you and your pocketbook.

Does This Ever Happen To You In The Morning?

It does to me. Those are days when I could skip the java because my hear is already going and I am fully awake. Terrified, but awake.

Fall Reading Challenge: Part 4

I've only read a few books since the last time I've posted. I kind of feel like I might be letting someone down... Go figure out that thinking. I mean, that thought is down right silly since the challenge is only with myself.

Susanne, finally I've read your recommendation, Rift in Time by Michael Phillips. This book was set on the premise of a non-believing archeologist finding Noah's Ark. The story that runs after the discovery involves the beginning of Adam Livingstone's understanding of God and His authority on earth, the individuals that God adds to his core group of collective friends and the worldwide powers of evil that is bent on stopping Livingstone's further research of discovering the Garden of Eden.

Although the premise was intriguing and set to be a great mystery, I found the writing to be annoying and entirely too detailed. (Sorry, Susanne.) Some things do not need to be written because the idea of an action implies a certain following. Really, when someone gets a cup of tea, the author should not point out every minute detail to this process... Just say that "She offered and poured him a cup of tea" and leave it at that! The book was about 150 pages too long due to this sort of unnecessary detailing. I found myself skimming sections that were completely irrelevant to the story just so that I finish the book.

Some characters where completely unnecessary and some situations just had me rolling my eyes. A star archeologist who wishes to keep his research under wraps (and tells his core team all the details in a private secure meeting) should know that if his actions have been divulged to the press, that there is either a mole in his group or his private area was bugged. He really wouldn't ignore the situation with an "oh well" reaction and then continue to tell someone that he doesn't trust details of his adventure to come. I was really bothered with the stupidity of some situations.

So Susanne, all this to say that I won't recommend the book to others unless they are into this kind of reading. I'm glad I tried it, but I don't think I'll be continuing the story in the second book, especially since you said that the second book wasn't as well-written or as interesting as the first book. I've too many others that I wish to read.

I've read the Tales of Desperaux by Kate DiCamillo with my daughter. It became our nighttime reading book that we like to do together. What a delightful story! It is filled with adventure, excitement and the idea of good vs. evil. Not everything that happens is tied up in a pretty bow, but the story recognizes the value in holding onto hope, giving forgiveness, following your dreams and seeing love as the reason to brave, to be strong and to be full of honor in all of your actions.

All I can say is that if you haven't read this to your children or if it's not on your child's horizon, this book would make a fabulous Christmas gift.

I threw a book into my reading list that just looked interesting - The Doctor's Daughter by Hilma Wolitzer. The book was an easy read, as I chewed throught it in just a couple of days. I didn't know what to expect, as once again, I did not read the inside cover.

The story is set around a middle-aged wife and mother, Alice, who is struggling to find her place in life after being laid off from her editor position. She is complacent in her marriage, doting on her younger son and indecisive as to the direction of her life. Although New York City has a lot to offer in the way of jobs, she just can't seem to pull herself together. Along with this waffling in life, she has hidden angst against her husband and against her "perfect" parents. Things start to fall apart in every section of her life - her husband moves out, her body gives indication of a lump in her breast and her father who is in a nursing home causes more grief as well.

On a whim on day, she places an ad in the NY Times to be a "book doctor." She decides to read through selected manuscripts to edit them and to suggest parts to be rewritten, changed or sliced out altogether. Through this work she comes into a first time author with talent oozing from his pen. She becomes enraptured in the story and finds herself really wanting to know the author.

The story that ensues is Alice's journey to find out how her past affects her future, how decisions she makes today can be a result of indecision in her history, about how living under the guise of a perfect parentage can lead to heartache in her own. I really like how the author persued these revelations through hindsight, hidden memories, conversations and through Alice's bout with therapy. The progress seems natural, flawed (in a good sense as in the flaw of a person's rationalizing) and realistic. I recommend it, but please note that it is a secular book. I don't mean that it is graphic, but that there are situations in it that can make you uncomfortable.

Lastly, I've read one other book, but I want to tell you all about it next week. You'll see why I'm so excited about it starting on Tuesday.

If you wish to review my other Fall Reading Challenges, just follow the links below. Until then, Happy Reading!

Fall Into Reading Challenge

Fall Reading Challenge: Part 2

Fall Reading Challenge: Part 3

Books I'm working on: Financial Peace University, Narnia Series, Bible - from Gal to Rev and a few others I've picked up since the forming of the list: Mercy Falls and The Sea. I hope to get Sheet Music in the weeks to come.

Hans Christian Anderson Revisited

Why Hansel and Gretel would never work in present day...

It's A Good Thing They Have Great Coffee Here

Because the scanner went down again!

Like the first time with this result or the second time.

So here's my next submission to the IT people:

Scanner has pulled a Breakout!

Sound the alarm! The equipment is still here, but the connection has escaped. It bypassed all the all the people swarming the coffee pot undetected. That in and of itself is a miracle. It had a masterplan that work to full success. It's probably been planning it for months, that dirty rotten connection. I've tried to discover it everywhere, but alas it has left me no clues. Neither I nor Leisa can find hide or hair of it. I think it hit the river to throw off its scent. We'd like to request some reinforcements here so that the wayward connection can be found. We're in full lockdown mode until it returns to its cell.

But by golly, if you find that it is in the Cayman Islands, I'm going to find it myself! I'll drag its sorry butt back - it should take a week, I think. I know, I know... it's a call beyond duty, but anything for the company.

The IT man called just a few minutes ago, laughing.

Hey, my scanner is fixed... and in record time.

Why I Love My Job SOOOOO Much

Free Coffee Baby. That's one of the paid benefits in my job. And since I buy it and make it, you know it's the good stuff...

It's the little stuff that keeps me happy. Well, that and a huge raise would do it.

Being Real

Why is it that I am, as if I were on some semblance of a set schedule, continually repeating in the same sins? It’s as if my Outlook calendar for life was set: often, Shalee will succumb to the same sins. Reoccurrence: forever.

I mean, it’s like I can’t even try on any NEW sin. I have to have my same old comfortable, well-worn, tried and true fall into disobedience.

When I go into the restaurant of wrongdoings, I don’t even need the menu because I know exactly what I’m going to order. And I usually leave feeling stuffed and full of regret of indulging in my favorite selection, the one I know will give me spiritual hives and indigestion when I partake of it, but I eat it anyway despite the reactions.

I feel such shame and stupidity, especially when I fall into the same transgressions. Why can not I learn from my past mistakes and truly throw off the tether of repetition? I know what I am doing is wrong. I am not deceiving myself that sometime in the past weeks God has rewritten his rules on living a holy life, that what I’m doing is suddenly okay. Yet, I live that way. I sin again and again as if I will not have the same feelings of disgrace and regret.

But here I am once again, begging God to forgive me for the same offense. Why should he forgive me when I usually wallow in the same waywardness? I’ve done nothing to deserve a second chance or, in my case, a 864, 202nd chance. (I’m sure it’s more. I’m low-balling the number to make myself look better. I can’t have you thinking that I sin ALL THE TIME. What would you truly think of me then?)

If I were God, I would have struck someone like me dead already. Or I would have sent a plague of mice to remind me that I’m hard-hearted. Or I would have sent a pack of clowns to my home to have them slap some sense into me. Or I would have said something like, “You made your bed; now lie in it.”

It is a good thing that I’m not God. That’s all I’m saying. Feel free to cheer; I won’t be offended at all.

But even as I am crying again over my lack of self-discipline, my fall from righteousness, my questioning of WHY am I here again, there is one redeeming thought that God places into my head and my heart:

He does forgive me because he is capable of so much more than I can imagine.

I truly cannot wrap my head around that kind of love. How can he wash my sins away again? Why is it that he fills my heart with peace when I’m bowing before him, begging for forgiveness? How is it that he can still love me, the sinner who has wondered away from his protection and who deserves no mercy?

The good news: I do not have to understand the how, the whys, the reasoning behind any of it. I do have to hold firm to the truth that God does it because he is God and he can. And he will. It’s what he has promised.

What a beloved thought! I don’t have to understand; I just have to believe. What a weight off of my shoulders. God is able to pardon the selfish, sinful me because he is not limited to my comprehension. He is full of more grace and love than I can even dream.

So as I am wrestling with my temptations, with my sins, with the things that are appealing but not of God, I ask that God give me the wisdom of how to change for HIS glory. I ask for him to strengthen me to make different, better choices when I am confronted with sin. I ask for him to remind me that I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

But if this fight with sin can be used to reflect his goodness, then let me talk openly about my struggles and how God is faithful in his protection. Let me not paint my past with excuses, but rather let me share the ugly stories with the sense that God is in control and that he is doing wonderful things despite me and my stupidity.

In other words, let me be real so that God can be seen in all that I do – the goodness that he has done through me at times of clinging to his ways and the times when I turned my back on his instructions.

Am I proud of my falling? Absolutely not! But I am proud in the most correct sense that God can use me through them.

And that is enough to get up me up to fight the good fight again.

Maybe the next time will be different. I pray that next time I face temptations, I will square off with them, remembering that I’ve got God in my corner and he packs a powerful punch.

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives. My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world. ~1 John 1:8-2:2

Just For You Kate, My Spider-Loving Friend

Duck Har Har

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your Duck Cuddles has passed away."

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? "

"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied.

"How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill.

She cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150.00."

(Ba dum pum)

Happy Thursday!

Can She Get A Little Help Here?

My friend Susan the lurker wants to hijack my blog because she has a simple request for any of you peeps out there. Please post a comment so that she can come up with something for the group.

I attend a small neighborhood bible study and we are currently in search of
a new study to do. You seem to have a bead on Christian mom blogs and I thought
some of them would be able to suggest a new study book or author. We are just a
handful of overworked, interdenominational moms. We aren't looking for anything
as in depth as BSF, CBS, Beth Moore or the like because some of us are already
involved in similar studies. Just something we could read and discuss over
coffee to encourage one another as fellow Christians.

That's it. Do any of you have any suggestions for her?

I recommend Blue Like Jazz because it's easy to read, fun to contemplate and crosses so many different "religious" barriers with the love of Christ pushing it along the way.

What say you?

Five For Five

No, don't start looking for a sale. It's not that kind of 5 for 5 deals, unless you want a slice of that fantastic pie from yesterday. I'd sell you one of thse for a fiver, for sure. But knowing me, I'd feel too guilty about it and just give you the piece of pie as an act of friendship. It's much better that way.

PastorMac's Ann over at It's Always A Production (ain't that the truth!) tagged me with little meme. So here goes.

1) Five Minutes to yourself. How would you spend them ideally? Well ideally I should say reading, but seeing how I usually get at least an hour to myself every morning because I wake up so stinkin' early, I'm going to step outside that box and list other things that I would like to do, such as (but in no way limited to!):

• talking with Lauren
• laughing with Jeana
• sitting on the beach with my mom
• chatting with Gina
• flying with f-stop
• scarfing a Hawaiian pizza with AggieJenn
• getting fall tips from GiBee
• drinking a mocha breve with Bekah
• receiving a lip gloss lesson from Kelsey
• making lasagna with Addie
• tracking down Stacey
• talking books with Susanne
• eating Cold Stone with Shannon and Chilihead
• looking at clouds with Kate
• vacationing with Kim
• cooking with Willson
• viewing tattoos with Kathryn
• hugging Lori
• getting to know Scribbit
• making a shake for Laurel
• playing Uno with my kids
• eating pie with BooMama
• sitting with momrn2 watching the deer in her yard
• conversing with Shayne
• reading a love letter from Mr. Right
• savoring wine with Antique Mommy
• receiving a call telling me that someone just gave us money to pay off the student loans

2) Five Dollars to spend right now. How or where would you spend it?

I would save it for the We Wanna Meet weekend coming up in just 17 days. I have a feeling that I did not save enough for all the food, fun and festivities that have been planned...

3) Five Items in your house you could part with right now?

• my dust collection
• the two chairs in the front room that Mr. Right had to have
• the wallpaper in our masterbath (came with the house)
• lima beans (blech)
• the bills (as in "Pay me!" bills not the bills that are actual cash... wait, I don't have any of the latter in my house so it's not a big problem)

4) Five Items in your house you absolutely, positively could never part with?

• Mr. Right
• my girl
• my boy

That's really all I can name. All the rest is just stuff. It would be rather inconvenient to lose anything, but as long as I had my family, we could make the rest work (after the tears about losing everything else, that is.)

*After creating this post, I went home to find the freezer door open with some food partially thawed. I kept reminding myself that it's just stuff, that I really meant what I wrote, that everything is okay in the long run, that God will replace that food... So I did mean what I wrote, I just had to talk myself into the truth of it. I just wish that God didn't have to give me such an expensive reminder. But for now, we'll be eating chicken or pork for a couple of days. Mr. Right barbequed some last night and I forsee some chops in our future. Sigh. But at least we have food. Thank you God. I'm really not whining; I'm just feeling the truth of the words.

5) Five Words (or phrases in my case) you love?

• "Hey love" (from Mr. Right - he almost always answers my calls with these words)
• "Mom"
• "I love you" (especially from the family, but certainly not limited to them)
• "You look great!" (from anyone - really I'm not that picky who says it)
• "Hey, I just found $20 in my coat. Let's go to Fortune Wok or Chick-fil-A!"

Okay, I'm tagging a few to see how they'll reply: Scribbit, momrn2, kpjara, Aggiejenn and Laurel Wreath

Fall, Oh How I Love You!

Chilihead and GiBee,

To me, there is no better reason to love fall than this...

It is my source of entertainment, my favorite way to decorate for the season and the best enticement to tantalize the senses.

Mr. Right and I make a great team, I think. The proof is in the pudding apple pie.

Happy Apple Pie Autumn Everyone!

Fall Reading Challenge: Part 3

I’ve finished a few more books to review. (Shannon, you could leave now, but I think you will appreciate one of the reviews. It’s a book that I know you want to read. However, I know how you feel about book reviews. Normally I don’t care for them either, but this time I feel slightly different about them. I just want to share which they might enjoy and which they will want to avoid at all cost.)

Okay, I’ll start with the “To Read” book on Shannon’s list. (Chili and Peach, you may want to consider putting it on your reading list too.)

Say Good Night to Insomnia by Gregg D. Jacobs is a wonder of information that I have come to appreciate. Having dealt with the lack of sleep grudge for most of my life, I was hesitant to read this book, mainly because if I thought if I take a sleeping pill most nights and still can’t sleep, then this book can’t help too much. Boy oh boy, am I oh-so-happy to be wrong.

The book really gives practical, insightful solutions to sleepless or fragmented sleep nights. It had me keep a sleep diary that monitored my sleep patterns; then it evaluated my insomnia by running through a self-assessment. Once some things that were pertinent to my lack of sleep situation were established, I learned how to make some changes that helped me to sleep better, longer or how to fall asleep faster if I wake in the night.

The one thing that helps me most was the idea that I do not have to have 8 hours of sleep in order to feel rested. I think I often felt tired just because I could not sleep like normal people. I’m more of a 5 ½ to 6 hours a night person, and that is just fine. If I go to bed later than others, that is okay and if I wake earlier that is okay. I am finding that I don’t resent those in my household (Mr. Right) who can fall asleep at the drop of a hat and sleep for 12 hours straight. Well, to be honest, most of the resentment is gone. I still dabble with the envy a bit now and then. I have definitely learned to be content with the sleep I do get and to enjoy some of the quiet times.

There are several other things it covers, but I’ll stop and just say that I highly recommend this book to anyone who is having problems sleeping. Not that reading it will put you to sleep, but that after reading it, you should be able to sleep better.

Okay Shannon, you can leave now if you don’t want any more book discussions.

I’ve never read anything by Sarah Waters. I picked up Affinity without knowing a thing about it. I have to say that Ms. Waters is an incredible author who tells just enough to keep the story interesting, but leaves you inquisitive enough to keep reading to find out what happens next. The novel was set back in the 1800’s and deals with a young woman, Margaret, who is frail and a bit weak-minded. Her father has passed away recently, her sister gets married and she has attempted suicide, which failed miserably. She becomes a “Lady Visitor” at the local prison when peaked with curiosity about it. It is there that she is introduced and befriends Selina, a woman who is spiritual medium who is in the prison.

The story takes twists and turns, often switching from the present diary of the Margaret to the memories of Selina. I must say that the ending was unique, suspenseful and riveting. But I felt a bit of remorse for the characters and the choices they made in their lives. Also it had a nod to the lesbian lifestyle that I was not expecting. No graphic details or such, but the suggestions or desires for it were clear.

I wouldn’t really recommend it, but I wouldn’t rule out any other book by Waters. I know now to actually read the inside cover to see what the subject matter will be for the next book.

Beyond Tuesday Morning by Karen Kingsbury wasn’t on my list, but I had it in the que at the library, so I ran through it. It is the sequel to One Tuesday Morning, a story written around the collapse of the World Trade Center. The sequel follows up with Jamie Bryan, the widow of a NYFD and the life that she lives three years after the fall.

I liked it, even if the story was a bit slow moving for my taste. Often, I just want to get on with it and go, but this author likes to linger over each thought and emotion. Despite the 25 mph limit, the story was good. But I have to tell you, I totally knew the story would play out the way it did when I finished the first book. No surprises for me there. Still, it was sweet and romantic and good to read how characters trusted God so fully, completely and unwaveringly. And that, my friends, is an excellent thing to read in my book.

Lastly, I just finished A Dirty Job by Christopher Moore. Know first and foremost, it is a completely secular book. It's irreverant and has language that I'm not used to seeing. It's a black comedy type fiction with really wacked out ideas making it an almost cross genre of fiction and science fiction that crosses the living world with the Underworld and the Death Merchants (soul carriers) in between the two.

Charlie, the main character is a Beta Male with all the complete attributes. He doesn't get women, he's completely paranoid in a conspiracy theory sort of sense and he is down-right likable once you get past his quirks and oddness. His friends are just as weird, but again, I learned to appreciate their peculiarities and their devotion to each other - even if they show it in the most bizarre ways. And he is a Death Merchant who is learning the trade.

The book is strange and fast-paced, but it doesn't want to leave anyone behind, so it has great resting points. The writing is outstanding; it would be superb if Mr. Moore had left out the foul language altogether. There were sexual situations, but as a relief, the times were few and brief.

So the encouraging side of me says to skip it because it does not make for Godly reading, but the funnybone in me says you will laugh your hiney off when you read it. So make your own choice about it. And if you read it, go ahead and read the acknowledgements. That man is funny in that part of the book too!

Happy reading everyone!

Previous review: Fall Reading Challenge: Part 2

More Than You Know

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life--in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. Phil 2:14-16


If you woke up this morning
with more health than illness,
you are more blessed than the millions who won't survive the week.

If you have never experienced
the danger of battle,
the loneliness of imprisonment,
the agony of torture or
the pangs of starvation,
you are ahead of 20 million people around the world.

If you attend a church meeting
without fear of harassment,
arrest, torture, or death,
you are more blessed than almost three billion people in the world.

If you have food in your refrigerator,
clothes on your back,
a roof over your head
and a place to sleep,
you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank,
in your wallet
and spare change in a dish someplace,
you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.

If your parents are still married and alive,
you are very rare, especially in the United States.

If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful,
you are blessed because the majority can,
but most do not.

If you can hold someone's hand,
hug them
or even touch them on the shoulder,
you are blessed because you can offer God's healing touch.

If you can read this message,
you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read anything at all.

You are so blessed in ways you may never even know.

It's all how you look at things...

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

1 Pet 1:6-9

Rejoice is an action verb; God expects those after His own heart to do it.

Need further proof? Go and read the Psalms, especially the ones written by David, a man who God deemed "a man after My own heart." You will find more references to rejoicing there than any other place in the Bible.

It's all about attitude.

What has you rejoicing lately?

Because It's Too Funny NOT To Blog...

My mom just called me to straighten out the plans for the holidays. The mistake made was that I told my Dad everything and somewhere along the lines, the information got mixed up. So she is calling to figure everything out because nothing made sense to her. She totally puts the blame on my dad for not listening.

So after I give her all the details about who is going to be where, my mom asks how is it going at work. I tell her great since my boss has been on vacation for a couple of weeks. My dad yells out, "Do you have any cheese on the desk?" in reference for the "If the cat's away, the mice will play" saying. (You have to understand my dad. He has all sorts of lame jokes.)

I said, "No, tell Dad that I have donut holes on my desk. Do they count?"

My mom yells, "Genitals?! What? Is that what you said?"

Me: "No! Do-nut holes!" And I started to laugh.

Mom: "Genitals! Don, Sha said she had genitals on her desk. She needs a whippin'!" I can hear my dad laughing in the background.

Me: (Trying not to shout, but really how can she THINK I said that and still laughing) "Mom! I said DO-NUT HOLES! DO! NUT! HOLES! I have DONUT HOLES on my desk!" And then I start laughing so hard that my eyes teared.

Mom: "Donut holes? Good grief... I thought you said... and then I thought I can't believe you said that... and then you really said donut holes." My mom commences to laugh. My dad is cackling in the background. I'm bustin' a gut.

And all this time, I thought it was my dad with the hearing problem... Oh, am I in trouble! My mom's not even 60 yet. I can't wait to see what it will be like in 20 years...

Precious Memories How They Linger...

My swanky friend Chili at Don't Try This At Home tagged me for this meme. I said SWANKY, not skanky. Sheesh. She is not that kind of mom. Then I discovered that Susanne tagged me for the same one. I love when I can kill two birds with one stone. By birds I mean posts - not bloggers, although they are both pretty cool chicks...

1. Favorite memory of your mother? When I was in high school, maybe 10th grade, my mom decided to head with me to the mall for the sidewalk sales. Now mind you, I'm not a shopper, but this was atypical of anything we would do together since she wasn't a shopper either. I definitely remember feeling pleased with the deal: new clothes and time with mom, plus we had a slice of pizza from Milano's. Ahhh, the good stuff. Anyway, we were doing the typical "Try this one on" to each other. We were in the same changing room (we're both rather petite) when we were doing this, so we could ixnay some things and oooo and ahhh over others. I had my mom try on dress on that was summery and fun. She started to try it on... and got stuck. It wouldn't go up or down. So she's there with her hands above her head, the dress neither on nor off, and I cannot see how to help - other than to laugh, which got her to laughing while she's still getting frustrated, telling me to "just rip it off of her!" while I'm trying to hold her still to figure out why it won't go on or off of her. About three minutes later, somehow we figured out how to get it off with nary a rip. No, we didn't buy the dress. But we should have just to have that kind of laughter and entertainment now and again. I remember it being such a fun, mom and daughter time that I can't wait to share with my girl... without the stuck dress comedy bit that is.


2. Favorite memory of your father? When I was around 12 years old, a friend of mine and I started a water fight by throwing cups of water at each other in the hallway (wood floors). My dad came out, so we got him too. He ran back to the bedroom and locked the door. We refilled our cups and ran back there to wait for him to open the door. We both knelt down and were trying to see under the door when my dad threw open the door with a "Now Honey!" and totally blasted us with the water hose. (He enlisted my mom's help, had her crawl out the window to pass in the garden hose and she stood at the ready to turn it on.) We got up and screamed like girls, yelling all the while, "Dad!" and "No fair!" and "We're not cleaning up that mess!" Yeah, there were a few good times at my house.


3. Favorite memory of your sibling(s)? I've only one brother who is four years older than me. We have never been close. Too many years to make it happen and probably too many times that I was an utter brat (Shocking! Not you Sha!) to make him want to have a close sister. I do have a few memories that I hold dear though, one of which is the nerd dance. One day my brother (22 yo) and I (18 yo) were in the same room with my mom, and one of us started talking real nasally and like a nerd - well what we deemed to be nerdy. My brother put on "nerd" glasses and a pocket protector and fixed his pants leg to hitch up in his sock. I pulled up my pants to where my breast would have been, had I any, pulled all my hair down straight and shoved it behind my ears so that they would stick out and hutched over like a true wallflower. Then we started to do the nerd dance which was basically us holding each other from a distance and swaying back and forth with no rhythm whatsoever. We kept talking about complete nonsense, but we noticed that our mom was laughing and crying and basically begging us to stop so that she could breathe. Of course that only made us keep going. (Of all the things I wish I could do, going back and having more great memories with my brother, or even a relationship of sorts would be in the top three of that list of do-overs.)


4. What one skill would you like to wake up tomorrow and be able to do (though you'd never learned it)? There are many things that I wish that I could do... Playing the piano, sewing, writing a great yarn, being a fantastic mom who does nothing but bless her children with wisdom and how to be a woman after God's own heart ALL. THE. TIME. Oh, I'd also like to be able to tell a joke so that people to laugh... at the right time.


5. Which one of your dreams has come true? Marrying and loving Mr. Right, raising two beautiful children to know God, this surprise, presently holding a job that I love with a fantastic boss and most of all - discovering (after years of ignorance and disbelief) that God is capable of so much more than I can even imagine.

Okay... Who haven't I tagged before? AggieJenn, Kelli in the Mirror, Pezmama and Susie. Of course, anyone can play. Just leave me a comment and I'll come and check it out.

WFMW - Getting More For Free

Now that the baking time is upon us, I am looking for ways to do more without putting out any additional expense. This is an easy way to make what you have go further.

Did you know that you can expand your frosting to double its size? When you buy a container of cake frosting from the store, whip it with your mixer for a few minutes. It will double it in size. You get to frost more cake/cupcakes with the same amount. This is espcially helpful when you are doing a layered cake that calls for frosting on the inside.

You also eat less sugar/calories per serving.

If you don't have enough frosting for layering, consider using a jam or preserve that is in your fridge that will compliment your cake. You can concoct a new creation right in your own kitchen and feel brilliant at the same time.

Getting more for less definitely works for me.

Head to Shannon's for some great ideas.

Seasons Eating

I was sitting here eating and working and eating and looking for some cookies that I've got stashed away somewhere and munching on some pretzels and thinking, "Good Night Nurse! What is going on with me?! I'm like a bottomless pit lately." Okay... maybe not so "bottomless" if you catch my drift, but goodness - I just can't feel full!

Then I remembered a post way back when... you know, way back when no one was reading me. I know that no one was reading me because I typically had zero comments... the big O, na da, nilch, the goose egg, the big donut... donut? Oh, I'd love a big, chocolate covered cake donut right now with a big cup of coffee (free sample from Folgers would make it even better...) oh sorry - where was I? Oh yeah, no action on the talking to the cook...

Anyway, it may be old, but it still applies to me. Maybe to you too now that you'll actually read it...

Maybe not.

Either way? I'm still feeling the need to prepare for winter...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Call Me Squirrely

Call me squirrely. Okay I’m sure that I am it applies the way you’re thinking, too, but that isn’t actually what I meant.

I mean that I think I am turning into a squirrel. I find myself stuffing my cheeks as far as they will stretch and still looking for more to eat. It’s like my body has decided that food will be running short all winter long, and I need to pack on the pounds to make it through the winter.

If it can be eaten, I will snap it up, munch on it and store it away for future use. Okay, that use will probably be sitting around and eating more food, but it will be put to good use! I mean you have to have enough energy to lift the fork… (work with me here…)

And when you look in my desk, I have all sorts of goodies packed in drawers. Popcorn, granola bars, mandarin oranges, tuna… I had Pop Tarts, but they, ummm… mysteriously disappeared. Hey they were Chocolate Fudge! You can’t expect them to last very long around me! The point is that I am like a squirrel, hiding food all over the place so that I can retrieve it at a later time.

It won’t help me that Leisa, one of my coworkers, is a baker. She says she loves to bring in homemade goodies. Great… More stuff that I won’t be able to keep my hands off.

So it seems as if my body is just trying to match my mentality. I think I’ll be fine… as long as I stay away from trees. They are starting to look like a pretty comfortable place to live…

Photo: Don't try this at home.

(Okay, the funny thing about this picture was that I was stuffing my face with popcorn when the idea hit me to take a picture for this post. Does anyone recall what happens to popcorn when it hits the mouth? Yeah, I kept shoveling the popcorn in to make it look like bulges in my cheeks and it kept desintegrating which made me shove in more which kept desintegrating and then I'd swallow without thinking and have to start all over. I should have just switched to my stash of granola bars...)

My Life: In 30 Seconds Or Less

So Mr. Right and I were watching tv (it must have been a football game), when they played this Sonic's commercial about their new peach smoothie. It's the one where the wife takes a sip and says all this stuff about the peach smoothie and then the husband repeats all the same words like it was his own idea. The wife looks at the husband and says "Honey, I just said that the Peach Smoothie is made with real peaches and yogurt and that it's a great way to get all your calcium." Then husband looks at her and says that he just said all that stuff about the smoothie and she must not have been listening - that things usually go in one ear and out the other.

While this commercial is playing, I turn to Mr. Right and tell him something, when he turns to me and repeats all the info back at me as a new and original thought.

I looked at him and said, "I don't know why they're wasting time with that couple. We've got a pretty good show of your repeating me right here! You are so that man," pointing at the tv.

He smiled sheepishly and said, "I just repeated everything you said, right?" Then we looked at the end of the commercial and we busted out laughing.

Great. I used to think that a lot of my life would make a great two and a half hour movie. Now it can be summed up in 30 second commercials. No wonder I feel like it is quickly passing me by...