If At First You Don't Succeed - Gratituesday 11

It's time for a little shout out to the Lord, so you know that it must be Gratituesday, where one can be vocally thankful for something in life.

Last week, I had begged for votes because I'm nothing if not shameless. As a result of the An Island Life poll, I was not picked Most Likely To Succeed. However, when the winning blog is named Praying For Parker, I find that I don't mind taking backseat to a site that is giving everything to God.

Hello?! Diner vs. Prayer? Prayer trumps anything that I could serve up.


I can honestly say that it was a pleasure just to be named.


Not winning isn't necessary a bad thing. I have a renewed energy with the blog. It was so encouraging to hear from others about how much they enjoyed the blog or, more importantly, me. You guys are good for my soul. And there is a sense of joy in knowing that someone out there thought enough about this blog that they anonymously threw my name in the hat.


That makes me smile from ear to ear.


So I'm thankful right now that I didn't win the poll because I know overall that I'm still in the company of some mighty fine women and men who like me with or without a title. Plus with the win would have come some good disciplining from God. I'm sure I would have swelled with pride a time or 22 just thinking about it.


(And really, I could do without the pressure of having to live up to that category. I'm gonna fail left and right for the rest of my life... and it's all good.)

An Ode to Mr. Right

(Thanks to Michelle Branch for putting into words how I feel about Mr. Right. Hey, why reinvent the wheel?)



So I'm a little left of center
I'm a little out of tune
Some say I'm paranormal
So I just bend their spoon
Who wants to be ordinary
In a crazy, mixed-up world
I don't care what they're sayin'
As long as I'm your girl

Hey, you are on my side
And they, they just roll their eyes

You get me
When nobody understands
You come and take the chance, baby
You get me
You look inside my wild mind
Never knowing what you'll find
And still you want me all the time
Yeah, you do
Yeah, you get me

So what if I see the sunshine
In the pouring rain
Some people think I'm crazy
But you say it's okay
You've seen my secret garden
Where all of my flowers grow
In my imagination
Anything goes

I, I am all you want
They, they just read me wrong

You get me
When nobody understands
You come and hold my hand, baby
You get me
You look inside my wild mind
Never knowing what you'll find
Still you want me all the time
Yeah, you do
'Cause you get me

Hey, you are on my side
They, they just roll their eyes
Yeah, yeah, yeah

'Cause you get me
When nobody understands
You come and take the chance, baby
You get me
When none of the pieces fit
You make sense of it
You get me
You look inside my wild mind
Never knowing what you'll find
And still I want you all the time
Yeah, I do
'Cause you get me

Sigh... I just love my man. Seeing as we'll be kidless again starting Thursday (an ode to the grandparents is certainly due), do y'all have any date ideas? Hey, it's been long enough, we might even stroll Barnes & Noble again...

Around the World In 7 Days *Updated

 The Girl awoke feeling a world better than yesterday.  She's down to a good cough at night as far as I can tell.  But she had a great 15 minutes at school handing out the valentines and getting scads in return.  She's found that middle school's valentine giveaway isn't as fun as elementary... but she still received candy, so it was worth the non-hoopla to her.

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I take back everything I ranted about The Boy's friend.  Well, no... I don't take it back, but I would gladly go through hours of having him around the house if it meant that my kids would avoid the agonizing pain that the friend's brother, G, is enduring.  Remember that I mentioned that G broke his leg?  He broke it really well - both bones in the bottom of his leg.  I took some dinner over to their house yesterday, just in time to see them arrive home from a doctor's appointment.  G screamed in hellacious pain the entire time he moved back into the house, tears running down his eyes; he kept screaming, "Mommy!!!" every few seconds too.  The boy is 13.  I felt so sorry for his mother.  She looked frazzled, anxious and very tired.

Please lift them up to the Lord, would you?  I haven't asked outright yet, but I don't think they have insurance.  They're not Christians, so they don't have a church family to fall back on at this time.  And we haven't sold our house yet, so we don't have much to offer other than support and small increments of help.  They just need God's hand of provision on them for so many reasons...

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A friend of mine sent me this email.  She doesn't read my blog (that I know of), so I think the reception of it came in God's timing.  I thought I would share it with you as well.  It goes to further encourage me to scale back and to re-prioritize what I think is important to what God wants me to be concerned about.  (Poor sentence, but you know what I mean.)

But you know what?  I'm not writing about a Christian only activity.  No matter your belief in God (or lack of one), this work is for everyone.  Every age, every race, every sex, everyone.

Please, today, find some way that you can do good to others, for others, with others.  Make it a commitment in your heart.  There's so many ways to help:

• Making a monthly meal for the Ronald McDonald house (This is actually fun to do with another family or two!)
  
• Buy food specifically for a food pantry monthly.
• Give that extra dollar on your electricity bill that will be used for the financially strapped.
• Give a donation to Salvation Army.
• Work with a shelter.
• Rock babies who are born addicted.
• Adopt a child.  Go one step further: adopt an older child.
• Visit the lonely in a nursing home.
• Give blood.
• Give a kidney.
• Work on a Habitat for Humanity help.  (Hey, if I can be of use there, then you can too!  Trust me on this one.)
• Learn a new language to talk to someone.  (I'm signing.)
• Sponsor a child.

What I'm trying to say as sweetly as possible is this:  Don't just sit there.  Get up and DO SOMETHING!  We all have something to give: money, time, talent, love.  It doesn't matter how small the gift.  All that matters is that you're giving.

Thus ends the soapbox.  Below is the email to which I was referring.  I hope it hits a homer in you too.

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An poignant demonstration of what is eaten in one week by various families around the world...

Germany: The Melander family of Bargteheide
Food expenditure for one week: 375.39 Euros or $500.07

United States: The Revis family of North Carolina (Sure hope most American families eat more fresh fruits and vegetables and less junk food than this family.)
Food expenditure for one week $341.98

Italy: The Manzo family of Sicily
Food expenditure for one week: 214.36 Euros or $260.11

Mexico: The Casales family of Cuernavaca
Food expenditure for one week: 1,862.78 Mex ican Pesos or $189.09

Poland: The Sobczynscy family of Konstancin-Jeziorna
Food expenditure for one week: 582.48 Zlotys or $151.27

Egypt: The Ahmed family of Cairo
Food expenditure for one week: 387.85 Egyptian Pounds or $68.53

Ecuador: The Ayme family of Tingo
Food expenditure for one week: $31.55

Bhutan: The Namgay family of Shingkhey Village
Food expenditure for one week: 224.93 ngultrum or $5.03

Chad: The Aboubakar family of Breidjing Camp

Food expenditure for one week: 685 CFA Francs or $1.23

Suddenly, my lack of Thin Mints seem ever so trivial in the midst of these findings.  How I really wish that I could send my pantry contents to the last few...

Updated to add:  Beck sent me the photo link for all these photos and more.  Go check it out.  Very thought provoking again...

Disappointment Derailed

Thursday night I really wanted "to get silly" with Mr. Right.  I happily went through the ordeal of shaving my legs, wearing something that he bought for me (that I don't really like but he really does) and I put on some fabulously scented body cream called Seduction.

I was turned down flat from that man.  He was just too tired to do "get silly."

Bummer.  Big fat bummer.  That is one strange man is all I can say.  He wasn't too tired to play a game for an hour and a half.  Hmph.  I would have been so much more exciting than Zelda.  I know that for a fact.

Friday morning, things were off between Mr. Right and me.  I wasn't mad at him, but I didn't really want to talk with him either.  I fought it well, but I know he felt it too.  I did give him a good kiss when I left, though.  There is that.

On the way to work, I realized that I forgot to blog that morning. I knew that I wouldn't be able to do anything about it because of the filter at work. (STUPID WORK FILTER!)

I discovered when I arrived at work that I didn't have my office keys.  (Yes, I thought of you, LW.)  I knew that someone would be along soon, so I wasn't too worried about it.  Half an hour later, my boss finally showed, and thanks be to God, he had his keys with him.  (He doesn't always.)

I found that I had several tasks to accomplish that involved getting other people to put in some effort for me.  Do you know what it takes to get five other people to cooperate so that you can get something done?  Let me just say that sometimes it's not pretty when I have to get all parental.

I found out that all I managed to bring for lunch was my mashed potatoes...  sans butter even.  Well, at least I had something.  

And no matter what I did,  I could not get warm at work.  Cold feet all day is not a pleasant experience.  I even had my illegal space heater going and I was like an iceberg that would not thaw!

I was really ready for a do-over day.  I wanted to just go home, curl up in bed and start again on Saturday.  But then I read this post that Mary wrote at Owlhaven.  What an eye-opener for me.   I decided immediately that I would make some changes so that I too could be 15 minutes better.

I stopped by Panera's to bring home some sourdough bread with our homemade vegetable beef soup that was simmering at home.  It's a luxury that we don't always get to indulge.  It made the meal seem more complete, more special.

Since The Girl was set to go to an all-girl's lock-in at a friend's church and Mr. Right was working late that night, I decided to have a date with The Boy.  We had such a good time.  We went and bought a special candy for us to enjoy during a movie.  Then I pulled out the new Charlotte's Web that I had checked out from the library, we set up the teepee that Aunt Lynnette had given to the kids for Christmas one year and we laughed (okay, I cried - I'm such a a softy!) our way through the movie.  I have to tell you, The Boy sure makes a great date, especially when he's all happy from a Fun Dip!  Some girl is going to have it easy with him later if he stays on the same course.  Just give The Boy some candy and he's like putty in your hands.

Mr. Right arrived home just in time to tuck The Boy into the teepee so that he could continue his night of fun.

After the big tuck-in, I had another date with Mr. Right and finally was able to enjoy was a bit of "silliness".  We were down-right silly, and it was totally worth the wait.

Two dates in one night?  I don't even think I did that in college...

Sometimes all it takes is a new way of looking at things in order to turn a dud of a day into a fun night to remember.

The Switch

The other night as I was falling into bed, half dead to the world, Mr. Right said out of the blue, "I think we should switch up our marriage."

Screech!!!   Suddenly sleep didn't seem so close to coming as I swiveled my head and emoted a Tim Allen "Huuunh?"  In a matter of nanoseconds, these questions entered my mind.

What on earth does this man mean?  Switch up our marriage?  That's as confusing as the Presidential Primaries...  

Switch what?  Aren't we just fine and dandy in our marriage?  I don't know what he means, but I'm not going through that whole "find someone who will love me despite my many faults" process.  That's just pain waiting to happen.

As I was trying to get my brain to wrap around what he had just said, Mr. Right clarified, "Shalee, would you switch sides of the bed with me?  I can't play with your hair as you fall asleep while I'm on the laptop if you're on the right.  If you're on the left, then my hand is free to touch you while I work."

Sigh.  That man is too good to me.  And I really have to stop jumping to conclusions before that man finishes his half of the conversation.   Let me say for the record that the left is my new favorite side of the bed.  I did fall asleep to my man brushing his fingers through my hair.

Now, if only someone could clarify the Presidential hopefuls words as easily...

Opposites Attract

I’ve always said that Mr. Right and I were opposites. Last weekend I had my opinion validated scientifically. In other words, written proof – which really makes me happy down to my core.

We attended a Marriage Retreat this weekend, a very informative, very worthwhile time with about 20 other couples from church. There was deep fellowship, great fun and time spent on understanding each other, not only our relationships as a couple, but also the relationships that we have with each other as a spiritual family. After the retreat, we were blessed to be able to stay an extra night with a few couples for dinner and bowling. It was a perfect getaway in all.

However, Friday night was pretty hard on me. Although I was really excited and willing to participate last weekend, I was at the end of my rope with being able to function. I don’t know if it’s the change of season, the change of schedules or me just being me, but for the last week, I’ve had a very hard time sleeping. Little sleep = tiredness = emotional. So when we were instructed to take a timed test at 10:20 PM, my cranky side kicked in.

Did it matter that the “test” was just a personality test that had no right or wrong answers? Did it matter that I wasn’t penalized in any way for not wanting to take the test at that moment? Did it matter that no one was going to think less of me if I was having a hard time? Yes, but only to me. As the words were literally jumping around on the page, I put my glasses on, read the first box of words to select my answer and thought, I don’t know if I’m more or less for each of the words. I looked at Mr. Right and said, “I think I’m going to cry.” The stress/work was just too much for me.

He did what he always does. He took my hand in his and gently reminded that everything was going to be okay, that I should just take one box at a time and that he loves me no matter what my answers will be.

Needless to say, I finished the test in the proper time. He gave me the reassurance I needed to hear.

We stayed up for a very little bit to talk with the other couples and then hit the hay because we were the cranky, old couple at this Young Marrieds retreat. (Young Marrieds is really a misnomer… The group has couple ranging from newlyweds to 15-years married. Some really don’t want to move up into the Young Families Group until everyone decides to promote.)

The next morning’s sessions began at 9:30 AM with another devotional and then we hit the ground running on the results of the tests. Everyone had agreed that we would share our results as a group, so it was interesting to see the difference in couples and individuals.

The names discussed were as follows:

• D for Dominance (Lions) are daring, adventuresome, direct, demanding, decisive, results-oriented, inquisitive, forceful, self-assured and competitive. 
• I for Influence (Otters) are enthusiastic, influential, impulsive, emotional, gregarious, trusting, persuasive, self-promoting, pleasant, social and generous. 
• S for Steadiness (Golden Retrievers) are patient, loyal, deliberate, team-oriented, serene, undemonstrative, protective, relaxed, passive and possessive
• C for Conscientiousness (Beaver) are accurate, fact-finding, diplomatic, systematic, conventional, cautious, careful, restrained, analytical, sensitive to criticism and detail oriented.

What a great goldmine of knowledge was found in these sessions! We discussed not only how we think our mate wants us to be, but also how each of us react under pressure or stress, which are not necessarily the same. Then it gave a chart about how we really are. The extra bonus of information included was now that we know how we are, how do we work as a couple to emphasize strengths and how to deal with each other well when we have stress and disagreement. (What can I do to help Mr. Right understand where I want to go and why? What can Mr. Right do to help me understand where he wants to go and why? Good stuff! I only wish we had it 10 years ago… Oh the misconceptions and arguments that could have been avoided had I known all this back then…)

When the leader pulled out our charts to compare Mr. Right and myself, he asked what we thought we were. I said I know I’m a D/I. Mr. Right replied that he was a C/S. We were dead on.

When the leader showed our charts under pressure/stress, we were as opposite as opposite can me. The group gave a quiet groan when they saw our chart. It was perfect X, which really means that we need exactly the opposite things from each other when confronted with difficulties. Where I need to DO something ASAP, Mr. Right needs as much DATA and TIME to make a decision. Me? Data and time are the last things on my list to need. Mr. Right? Making a quick decision sets him on edge and gives him absolutely no sense of security. He likes to analyze and reanalyze and then, just for good measure, go over all the options one more time until he makes a decision. You can see how we aren’t the best when it comes to arguing or making decisions and how we have been unintentionally frustrating and compounding the problems by not understanding each other’s needs in order to feel safe and secure.

When the leader showed our chart of how we really are, again it was opposite from each other. Where Mr. Right is quiet, reserved and slow to change, I’m outgoing, outspoken and quick to jump into an activity and participate. Crowds are intimidating to Mr. Right; I love being in the center of things. I’m quick to make a decision or just to jump into a situation without reviewing everything; he’s slow to accumulate all the details, facts and sees each process in his head before he makes a move. I dive right in wanting a solution when we argue (and I want to be right!); Mr. Right shuts down, needing time to process every bit of info that I’m throwing at him, feeling more and more freaked and clammed up when I push him for agreement. In other words, I leap before I look, thinking that everything will work itself out, and Mr. Right looks 29 times before he leaps, thinking of all the outcomes in detail before he moves a foot. Exact opposites.

Yet, with all these polar differences, I still know that God put us together with forethought and goodness in mind. He might have chuckled a few times when he thought about the fireworks that would ensure from our union, but he still blessed it by allowing us to love each others’ hearts. And I can’t tell you how many times I have thanked God for his divine wisdom, for putting me together with a man who makes me slow down, forces me to think things through before making big decisions and encourages me to think about others as I make decisions. In return for all these wonderful things (and more!), all I have to do is to help Mr. Right to make decisions at a quicker speed, loyally love him with all my heart and encourage him to have more fun. I so got the better end of the deal.

So don’t tell me that God doesn’t perform miracles. I’m living one every day.  And I love it.

Moms Know Best

GiBee hosted a really wonderful Mother's Day Contest where you could submit a 1500 character explanation of "the one most special piece of advice your mother or mother figure ever told you."

Have y'all noticed how I seem to misconstrue things or how the facts get altered in my mind? (No comment, Mr. Right...) Especially when I'm stinkin' busy at work? Because when I read the directions, I totally read 1500 words. Not characters... So when I sent my entry to GiBee, she immediately wrote back to tell me something along the lines, "Can't you follow directions?! This is a novel, girl! But I really like it, so I'll let it in."

And that is why GiBee and I are friends. She called me on it, teased me lovingly and then put it on the pile anyway. That's friendship, y'all. Knowing how to make fun of someone and still make that person feel good is an art, y'all. It's an art.

So here's my submission which is slightly over the 1500 character count... oooooh, about 3500 too many.

But does that really matter amongst friends? Evidently not. (Hey, I thought I was doing great because it was only 955 words...)


I can't peg down a single woman who gave me the best advice on being a mom. That's like trying to pick out your favorite child. If you have only one child, then of course that's easy... I wouldn't think that you would pick somebody else's kid... But if like me, you have more than one mom because everyone's mom became "Mom" to you, then you know you can't make that choice. It's the same for me with deciding who influenced me. I grew up with so many moms that I can't pick one who helped me the most; however, what I can do is describe how I have become the mom that I am from all the great examples that God set before me at just the right time.

From my mother I've learned that relying on God in the good and the bad is always the best choice. No matter what the world throws at you, having hope that God will take care of it gives you the strength to endure. She taught me that mothering is a tireless job that requires energy and patience for the multitude of activities - and I mean a multitude: plays, swing choir, concert choir, gospel choir (one of three white faces in the group, but boy that was fun, lively music!), youth group, dances, social activities… The woman was on the run my entire high school career and never once did she let on that she resented giving up her time for me.

She also taught me the art of giving from what you have happily and that if your husband invites someone over after church for a meal, it's okay to tell your kid to not eat as much (and make something for her later) so that everything would go smoothly and the guests would be satisfied. My mom opened her home to anybody, making it a safe haven for any other teen who needed it. She never knew how many kids she would find on her floor Saturday morning since often all my friends would congregate at our house for movies or games the night before. She's also taught me that a mother and a daughter can be good friends, even though they live hundreds of miles apart.

My mother-in-awe has taught me that you're never too old to get on the floor to play with children, that children are gifts from God and that everyone has a part to play in the Christian walk of a child. She's able to see Christ and God in ANY circumstance, item or person. She's also shown me that scriptures are to be a source of disciplining and a source of fun for all family members. She's also revealed to me that it is possible to love your in-laws with an open heart and to make them feel special to be a member of their family. She's also shown me that I can save a trunk load of money when it comes to Christmas because she spoils everyone.

From my "many other moms" I’ve discovered the art and importance of loving other children. Having extra patience for them, a hug at any given moment, a smile or encouraging word or even showing up to their high school plays or concerts will give those children memories to recall as they are in the midst of parenting too.

From all my mothers in the South I've learned that respect should be given at all times, please/thank you or yes ma'am/no ma'am should be ingrained into everyone and if a child misses that area of manners, calling her on it is a good thing. I've also found that hospitality to others, be it a party or someone who needed it on a whim, is fun not only for the guest(s) but for the host as well. Also I've discovered that when another set of parents take on another couple's children so that they can get away, it's really cool to give them all the sugar cereals that she never got at home. Boy do I remember loving to go to my other mother's house because she would ALWAYS have a special treat like that for my brother and me. Recently I told this "second mom" that I loved going to her house, knowing that I would have a treat, and she replied, "Shalee, we didn't do that with our kids. We only had that treat around for when you came." Now that's love, I tell you!

And from a host of great mothers, I've learned that saying sorry to your children is not something that will undermine your parenting; it is the one way to show children that we're all able to make mistakes and to still grow as people. I've also learned from them that no matter how much time you have with your children, it's never enough. So I try to love on my children, play with my children, sing with my children, get to know with my children, BE with my children as much as possible. I'm not their best friend, but I am someone that I want them to love and trust. Maybe later the best friends idea will come into play…

I've learned through experience that I'll never know everything there is to know about parenting; it's always an adventure of life-learning that I hope will never stop. And I've learned that you can love more deeply than you ever thought possible, even for a self-centered person like me, and hope is always new each morning in the smile of a waking child.

And I have hope that I can be the mom that my children and other children remember fondly on Mother's Day.

Happy Mother's Day to ALL the many moms out there. May you really get to relax on Sunday, and may the "I love you"s never stop at the end of the day.

Oh, and I love you, Mom.

In Answer To My Message

Before leaving work on Thursday, I posted this message in my Out of Office message box:

I will be out of the office today, Friday, April 27th. I will be out playing with some friends without the slightest concern for work. However, I should be in on Monday with the utmost important concern of addressing all emails, so if you can wait until then, I will be more than happy to respond at that time.

Thanks and have a great weekend,

Shalee

Since I have my blogger comments set up to come to my work email (so I can get your up-to-date comments on my stupidity or my laughable moments), a number of you received that message in reply to your comments and responded back in a great way. (See what you miss by not setting your profile to show your email address? Not only this, but often I will respond to your comments! All the more reason to add your address to your comments! Fun! Excitement! Talk with Shalee LIVE!... unless of course you don't want me to respond. Then you're pretty safe.)

Anyway, in answer to your questions about whether or not I had a great time, if the day off was an Admin Gift, if I made it back in one piece and if I had questions about returning from such a fun weekend, I'm doing a little blurb about it.

1. I had the best time ever! (Which when you think about it is pretty hard to actually define - ever's a pretty long time and I've had quite a few moments that I would live again and again. This weekend is now added to that list.) I met with four other ladies (sans enfants) at a very nice hotel, and we did all the stuff that girls on their own usually want to do: we ate a lot of yummy foods, we painted our nails, we talked and talked about anything and everything, we stayed up too late, we saw a movie together, hung out by the pool in our bathing suits and still had great respect for each other, drank just enough (the drinking had nothing to do with the bathing suits moment) and laughed more than should be allowed. Then we decided that we should do it all over again in a few months.
2. The day off was not my Admin gift from my boss. (I'll tell you about that at a later date.) I took the day off so that I could leave early and enjoy the full time with my friends.
3. I did make it back in one piece despite my attempts to get lost. (I missed a turn only to realize 15 minutes later that the road did not look familiar and if I were on the interstate, it would not have crossroads. (Hey, I was listening to a book on CD - one on my Spring Reading Challenge list, mind you - and I got distracted. Oh well, more listening time for me.)
4. Lastly, I did enjoy myself, but the nice thing about a weekend away from the family is that it can make you appreciate home all the more. I loved the hugs that were thrown on me upon my return. The kids looked a lot more lovable and Mr. Right's kisses were sweeter than honey on my lips. That old addage "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" really did ring true for me.

So that was my much needed mini-vacation. Now, you tell me something that made you smile in the past few days, with or without the bathing suit moment. Although, if it is with, then perhaps you should send me a bottle of wine first. Always best to be prepared...

(Oh, and as far as the house is concerned: No bites as of yet, but we're still not worried. God will sell it when he's got everything lined up. We're just going to keep enjoying the cleanliness that comes with a house on the market, because y'all know that it won't be that way for long in our new house, wherever that turns out to be! Thanks to those of you who are praying on our behalf. The prayers are working and are greatly appreciated.)

Undiscovered Talents

After reading about the maintenance that some people require, I turned to Mr. Right and said, "It's a good thing for you that I'm such a low maintenance gal!"

While wiping the tears away from his eyes, slapping his knees and gasping for air from all the laughter, he replied, "Oh, that was a good one, Sha." Then he proceeded to chuckle to himself every so often.

Evidently, I'm a stand-up comedian too.

For Heather

Remember this?



Well today's the day.

Head on over to Boomama's to send some love to a blogger in need. Let's show this self-centered world that when one of us hurts, we all hurt, and when one of us needs something, we'll give and give and give until we can make the hurt go away, even if it's just a little bit of comfort - all to the glory of God. That, my friends, is part of the blessing with being a family!

And if you can't spare anything in the financial realm, please stop what you're doing, and give Heather the gift of prayer. She needs that more than she needs the other. (But give the other if you can.)

What Are You Selling?

We're all selling something.

Whether you're a SAHM or a Business Manager or a part-time cashier, you're selling something. Whether you're a Christian or an agnostic or an atheist, you're selling something. Male, female, rich, average income, poor, tall, short, angry, happy, confused, indifferent, selfish, generous... people who are breathing are selling something whether they know it or not.

And do you know who's buying?

Our kids... and they buy it all without owning a dime. They watch our every move, our every reaction, our every emotion to every circumstance. And often they buy into it so heartily, they're committed for life.

Do you get angry enough to lamblast a rude driver with all sorts of obscenities? Do you grumble and complain under your breath when you are stuck in a line with either an elderly shopper or a slow cashier? Do you spout of a list of short comings regarding your spouse when things are not happy in your marriage? Are your main words to them "Hurry up!"? Guess what? Your kids will learn to berate others when they are faced with irksome obstacles or moments of impatience.

Do you whine when you don't get your way? Are you hard to please? Do you find something to criticize when your family attempts to make you smile? Do you go behind others to "fix" something that wasn't "right"? Your kids will follow you in your footsteps, becoming hard to please and self-centered, expecting others never to measure up. Criticism will roll off their tongues without their having to think about it.

Are you giving to others, not just at Thanksgiving or Christmas, but also at unexpected times of the year? Do you take a good lunch to the man on the corner who looks hungry? Do you make a basket of goodies to give to the widow who is lonely? Do you invite the single mom/dad and her/his kids over for dinner so that she/he can have one night off from cooking? Do you share a friendly, welcoming hello to your neighbors when you're out in the yard or going for a walk? Do you look for ways to sacrifice a want to meet someone else's need? Your kids will see and learn that generosity is not only kind to others, it will make you feel better too and they will become friendly and mindful of others around them.

Do you randomly find times to tell your family that you love them? Do you play games with your kids when they ask for your time? Do you happily accept homework assignments that will involve your time as well as your kids? Do you sit and hold your young one (or your not-so-young kid) and read to them? Do you show love to your mate in front of your children? Your kids will grow to know that love can be an action word as well as a feeling - and it's best when shared.

Do you laugh a lot? Your kids will look for ways to laugh also.

Do you work/blog all the time and find that you don't make time for family nights or little conversations? Your kids may view working/blogging as more important than family.

Is saying sorry a hard thing for you to do or does it come easily and with a sincere heart? Are you brave enough to say it to your kids when you are at fault? They too can learn the art of a sincere apology and use it when needed or, if they don't have a good example of saying sorry, they can become hard and obstinate when they make a mistake.

Are you yellers? Your kids may learn that facts don't matter, but rather volume makes a person "more right".

If you're a Christian: When you pray, are you constantly asking for things or do you weaving praise, adoration, thankfulness or confessions of sins into your prayers as well? Do you give things to God and then continue to worry about them or do you leave your worries at his feet and live knowing that you have peace about whatever the situation is? Do you pray with your kids about anything and everything on your heart or do you only do it when they're busy or in bed? Are you talking the talk and walking the walk with your kids... and without them? Your kids will learn just how much of their heart they're supposed to give to God and to whom they should show it.

No matter what you say you believe, it's how you live that matters the most to your kids. Monkey see, monkey do carries a lot of weight when it comes to parenting.

Most of us have probably uttered the saying "I'm turning into my parents."

The question is whether or not will you be content to know that your kids will eventually become a lot like you.

Reason # 88

... why Mr. Right has my heart.

Look at what was awaiting my arrival to bed last night.

Now just a closer look so that you can see all the goodness.

(In case you can't read it, it's something from the French bakery that just opened in town.)

What was inside, you ask?

Well, just this delicious little goody...

(It was a chocolate creme brule that was divine!)

And this.

When I questioned Mr. Right as to why all the delightful gifts, he said it was just a first anniversary present for our 15th anniversary... in July... that's 3 months away in case you're counting.

Oh my lands... does this man know one of my love languages or what?!

And Chili, this is just one in a sea of reasons why I will take the tangible, heart-stopping/makes-my blood-rush of Mr. Right over eye candy anyday...

Mirling Heather

That would be a great title for a movie...

Well, what can I say. Heather and I didn't get along.

Well... except for the time that we chatted all the way to my house. I didn't feel as if I were driving with someone I didn't know; I felt as if I were driving with a old friend.

And then there's the time that we laughed during dinner - like the whole time - while quoting While You Were Sleeping lines. A lot of time was spent laughing at my kids who were pulling out some great one liners. Of course I can't remember any of them...

Or when she asked if she could help with making the apple pie only to find out that she's not really a whiz in the deseeding apples area. I don't think pies are one of her fortes... "It doesn't matter what they look like; they'll still taste good!"

Also we talked, talked, talked while sitting out on the back deck, enjoying the divine spring weather. She's pretty good at holding a conversation with a mom who is constantly being bombarded with "Look at me Mom!", "Come play with me Mom!" or "Mom, did you know that in Star Wars Legos 2 that..." (here you fill in any question and invaritably my answer would be "Uh... No, honey.") That girl is good at keeping track is all I'm saying.

And we talked about fellow bloggers we wish we could meet or the ones we have met. That list was long, too long for my comfort. I'm determined to rectify that situation if I can.

We got along pretty well when I understood Heather to be an American Idol fan and told her that we'll have to watch it in our messy bedroom (where we're remodeling our bathroom) because that's the tv that has the antenna and she, without batting an eye, agreed to watch the show while sitting on our bed. On our way up there, Mr. Right remembered that we can move the antenna (duh!), so we all traipsed down to the basement where we couldn't get a signal for some reason - so we decided to head back to the bedroom only to have Mr. Right find the signal as we headed up the stairs. I said that we got our exercise for the evening and she was a-okay with that.

Plus, she has excellent taste in evaluating music. We agreed on every criticism of the performances, clothing and selection of who should go home. (We missed the first 3 performers, so we couldn't comment on their presentations.) And we had the same "What?!" expressions when the judges totally messed up on their evaluation on Jordin. (She did okay, but y'all - her notes were flat in several places and the register was too far of a jump for her in a few places. It, contrary to what each of the judges said, was not her best performance. And just for the record: I like her. So there. Oh and Haley - I thought it was ironic that the Randy pointed out that she forgot her words (Paula did too) only to have Paula later say, "No matter what, go on like nothing like that happened. The audience won't know!" Ummm, Paula - we didn't know that she forgot them until THE JUDGES pointed it out... She did a great job of covering her memory loss; I thought she had a lovely performance as the song very well matched her personality and character. Oh, and Haley's potato sack with a big ribbon did not work for her. If that's fashionable, then I choose to remain out of style. I liked Phil's performance. He seemed very comfortable singing his song and his performance was believable. Gina did a good job with her selection. The song fit her stage presence - lively, rebellious and a fighter. I did agree that she seemed to be shouting her words at time. Stephanie looked fabulous with her choice of ensemble, even if she needed a clothespin for the top as we were all getting an eyeful of her breastage after her performance! We got an eyeful, but not the earful that was needed. Her voice sounded beautiful, but the song was booooorrrring. When she finished, I thought "That's it?" She'll have to make better choices in her song selections be known on that stage. Blake, well the boy should just leave the classic as a classic and be voted off, but as Heather pointed out, he is a Justin Timberlake wanna-be, so I think he'll stay for a little longer. Chris had the most "get up and dance" performance, but even though he chose a perfect song for himself, he still looked like a Star Search contestant rather than an AI winner. We heard LaKisha as well, but I have got to tell you, although her performance was soulful, resonant and beautiful, her lisp kept getting in the way of my enjoyment. I cannot see her being the AI winner because of that one "flaw". And we missed the best performance... sigh. Melinda did wonders from what we understood from Mr. Right. At least we got to hear the recap and it was spine-tingling from what little we heard. Couldn't say the same for the other two... And unfortunately for us, we did hear Sanjaya. Someone please put us out of our misery and get the boy off tv. A singer he is not!!! Not that I have any kind of opinions about these things.)

Oh, and I definitely liked her when we found out that the oven was on too high of a temperature and the pie was slightly more brown than it should have been. (I burnt the pie, y'all! I. Burnt. The. Pie! Oh sweet mercy, that has never happen before and for the love of all that is good and delicious, I hope it never happens again because the stench was awful!!) Okay, in reality the pie was by no means ruined, but I quickly shaved off some of the browner parts of the crust (Sob!!! Oh, goodbye sweet crust! I shall miss your flakiness and your thick crunchiness!). When Heather came up from the basement, I told her what had happened, and she looked at me and sheepishly confessed that she liked it more done. I just started laughing and told her it was too bad... she had to eat the shaved pie. (Which was fabulous, I must say! Couldn't taste a burnt piece anywhere. Whew.) And she likes coffee, so that was a plus for the evening.

Also we both kept singing Diana Ross songs after AI... and neither of us cringed at the sudden outbursts of song. And when I said that she was forced to be in a picture with me, she bucked the thought, but really she had no say. I had the car keys and I knew how to use them to my advantage. We took a few, but the first two make me look so dorky, I refuse to post them. I will show you the good one though...

Note to self: Get a haircut, don't make a pie while wearing black, get rid of that shirt, posture(!) and for goodness sake, start working out if you're going to insist on eating said pies! Nothing like a picture of yourself in all your glory to have reality smack you in the face...

And when taking her home, I started talking to this poor driver who was giving me all sorts of frustrated hand movements (nothing offensive - just visible frustations) because I needed to go straight when she chose to stop and to block the street on which I needed to travel. She had ample time to turn (I was backing out of my driveway when she approached the turn a good distance from my house but for some reason she decided to wait), but she wasn't thrilled when I decided to go. I said, "Well go then lady; don't be mad at me because you didn't turn!" Looking over to Heather, I remarked, "Ummm, yeah... I talk to the other drivers." Then she started laughing, stating that she does the same thing. Thus we talked all the way back to her hotel.

Oh, and I made the remark that if she were free tonight, I'd love to have her over again. We'll be working around the house, but we would love to have her over another night if she could stomach all of us again.

Other than that, I couldn't stand her. Yep, some people just weren't made to get along.

Today's the Day!

After work, I get to stop by a hotel to pick up a person I've never met. AND said person is coming home with me. AND Mr. Right approves!

Yes, I live on the wild side, don't I? Didn't you know it's National Pick-Up a Stranger Day? Well, it is.

Heather of My Roller Coaster Ride of My Life and Funny Thoughts About Life's Daily Happenings! (say that ten times fast - I know, I know... "that ten times fast" - very funny) is in town for a little business trip, and I plan on taking full advantage of monopolizing her time tonight. She's making it ever so easy on me with her staying in a place that is on my way home and having the sweetest disposition you can imagine... at least over the phone. When I told her that I can guarantee a messy house, she just laughed and said she'll feel right at home! Now who doesn't want a visitor like that! Then I warned her that my kids most likely will talk her ear off, and she laughed and replied, "I'm an aunt. I'm used to it."

I think Heather should move to Kansas. I'm just saying!

So amid all the paint cans, cleaners and clutter, I will have a nice, comfy, much-anticipated rendevous with Heather. Oh the sheer bliss of spending time with a her! (If you want me to give her a hug, you'd better get your count in quickly. She's got a big one coming from me, but I'm sure there are others who want me to pass one along to her as well.)

Tonight we'll be feasting on a traditional Sunday meal- even though it's Tuesday... roast beef (lucky her, it's what was in the freezer), po-tay-toes, carrots, rolls and I do believe I can con Mr. Right into making a pie with me... I can't decide on strawberry or apple...

What do you think? Which one would you choose given a choice? And what areas of conversations do you think we should discuss? (Because you know I have such a hard time thinking of anything to say...)

WFMW - Meeting the Needs

The best relationship advice I can give is this: Read His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley, both the husband and the wife. And then put his advice into practice.

It's no surprise - men and women have radically different priorities. However, for all our differences in priorities, most men and women want the same thing (other than great sex, sheesh...): satisfying, loving relationships. How can you experience a lifetime of love, fulfillment and intimacy in your marriage? By learning habits that meet the most important emotional needs of yourself and your spouse.

Ignorance often contributes to a couples failure to care for each other. Men tend to try to meet needs that they value and women do the same thing. But their needs are often very different, and they waste effort trying to meet the wrong needs.

The right needs are so strong that when they're not met in marriage, people are tempted to go outside marriage to satisfy them. But aside of the risk of affair, important emotional needs should be met for the sake of care itself. Marriage is a very special relationship. Promises are made to allow a spouse the exclusive right to meet some of these important needs. When they are unmet, it is unfair to the spouse who must go through life without ethical alternatives.

Dr. Harley describes the ten emotional needs of men and women. He helps to identify which are the most important to you and your spouse, helps you communicate them to each other and helps you learn to meet them.

Successful marriages require skill and effort - skill in caring for the one you promised to cherish throughout life and effort to keep going when it gets hard. Good intentions are not enough. His Needs, Her Needs was written to educate you in the care of your spouse. Once you have learned and applied its lessons throughout your marriage, your spouse will find you irresistible, a condition that's essential to a happy and successful marriage.

And if you are a bookaholic like me and if you read so much for pleasure, why not read something that really could improve your marriage as well as your mind? It will be well worth your time.